Today women everywhere are using flowers, chocolates, and rings (or lack thereof) as a measuring stick for their worthiness. Sigh. Unfortunate men who didn’t deliver are in the proverbial dog house while women who got what they wanted are blowing up Facebook and Instagram with validation of their love. The whole ritual seems a bit extraordinary to me.
I used to be THAT girl. Flowers, check, beautifully wrapped gift, check, thoughtful handwritten card, booyah! He DOES love me! Wait, no ring? WTF?!? Why don’t you love me?!? **face palm**
Yep, many years ago I was in the front row of that insane Valentine’s Day ritual. And it still makes me cringe. And just to answer the obvious, I’m well aware that not everyone does this, expects this, or reacts like this…but many do.
Call me crazy, and older and wiser too, but I think the love you have for yourself beats the pants off the love you get or don’t get from any outsider. Now I’m not saying that romantic love isn’t a super awesome warm and fuzzy extravaganza; it sure can be lovely. What I am saying is that if you don’t love yourself, every other relationship is simply a band-aid for whatever you are missing within yourself. And that’s something no amount of flowers or carats can fix.
This way of existing is also very unfair to the people who do love you. You will need and demand so much more from them because you are not whole. You see, NO person on Earth can fill up the void left by a lack of self-love. If you don’t love yourself enough to listen to your heart, respect yourself, and enjoy your own company, you will always be lost.
If you are single, good luck trying to build a relationship on a broken foundation. Once the high of new love wears off your insecurities will begin to peek through. It’s hard to love someone who needs you to validate them constantly, prove your affection, or compensate for insecurities. It’s just a recipe for failure. I speak from experience, between two marriages and several more relationships, I’ve been on both ends of that spectrum.
So this Valentine’s Day (and beyond) instead of looking for someone to tell you how wonderful, amazing, and precious you are, say it to yourself! And believe it! Whether you are single or in a relationship is irrelevant, you NEED to be your biggest cheerleader and only then will you be ready for the life you deserve.
If you aren’t in that place yet, don’t feel bad, it’s a process that can take a lot of time and soul-searching. That’s a whole other post. Just remember this might be the biggest journey of your life, take the time to let it teach you about yourself. In the process of understanding who you are, what you stand for, and what makes you unique you will end up truly loving yourself.
Unsure of what that moment looks like? When you aren’t plunged into darkness because someone doesn’t love you, you’ve arrived. When you don’t chase after someone who disrespects you, mistreats you, or abuses you, you’ve arrived. When you don’t NEED someone to be happy, you’ve arrived. When you are perfectly content in your own quiet company, you have finally arrived.
Can me idealistic but I still wish for a day when every single woman, young, old, mom, or not, is truly in love with herself. Because that love is the most empowering gift we can give ourselves. It will give you a freedom unlike anything else. And it will allow you to be the best partner, or happily single gal there ever was.
Happy Valentine’s Day to all the amazing and beautiful women everywhere. Muah!