I’ve always taken my responsibility as a mom seriously. I’ve always loved my little one tremendously. Even so I honestly say that being a single mom has made me an even better mom. 😯
It may not sound like your typical (or stereotypical) version of single motherhood. Images of neglected babies and frazzled women seem to be abundant even if they aren’t accurate. But not every single mom is a miserable mess. To be honest I have yet to meet a single mom who is.
That’s not to say being a single mom is easy. It isn’t. Being a single mom is ridiculously hard and a huge responsibility for one person. But it is possible to be a great and happy single mommy.
Actually, most of the single moms I’ve met are hard-working superstars who manage to raise happy kids despite being the only parent. To me that’s a more accurate representation of single motherhood.
As for me, I can say that although I’ve always been a good mom, I’m better as a single mom. How is that possible? Well here are a few insights…
1. I’ve been forced to make sacrifices, and that has made me an amazing mommy
I’ve always been devoted to my little one but being single has forced me to make sacrifices that I never thought I could make. But I did make them, and I made them because my daughter comes first.
I’m willing to put my big girl panties on and put my daughter first. Like when I moved back in with my parents after I lost my home and business in my divorce. Yeah, that felt impossible, but I did it so I could avoid putting my then two-year-old in full-time daycare.
It hasn’t been easy. But eventually I came to see what benefits grew out of my sacrifices. I grew as a person and in turn became a better mom because of it.
2. I’ve become astonishingly patient
If you knew my pre-kid self, you’d know that patience was not a word that would’ve been used to describe me. Ok, that’s an understatement. I was bad.
I was very type A. It made me a great business woman but mediocre in relationships. I basically had zero patience for nonsense.
Of course that started to change once my little one was born but the leap really happened once I was alone. With no partner to “take the baby” or “give me a break” I simply learned to roll with life.
I stopped trying to control things and learned to be patient with my child and with myself. It’s been a pretty amazing transformation, but it has made me an even better mommy. If I had stayed in that relationship I’m not sure I would have developed the level of patience I have today.
3. I’ve become much more present in my own life and in my child’s
In my former life as a married restaurant owner, it was go-go-go. I jumped from one goal to the next. I was managing a staff of 23, remodeling my new house, planning a new business, and raising a baby (and of course all that domestic cooking and cleaning bullshit).
Basically I was thriving on “doing it all” and proving to my ex and my in-laws that I could “handle it all”. I can see now that I never stopped to enjoy what I had earned because I was always looking at tomorrow.
I was always trying to be more accomplished more impressive, ha!
That all came crashing down when I ended up a divorce broke unemployed single mom.
Having lost most of my identities, no longer a wife, no longer a restaurant owner, no longer carrying the load of moving my family to the next financial stepping stone, I decided to simply be.
I learned how to be more forgiving of my failures, I learned how to be kinder to myself, and most of all I learned how to be happy just existing. This has probably been the biggest change, and it has made me a much better mom than I ever was before.
Without this hard lesson I don’t think I’d be as patient, kind, and present as I am today. If I never stopped racing from one goal to the next I’m not sure that my daughter and I would have the tremendous bond we have now.
These kinds of posts always seem to either get people rallied or make them mad.
I’m not suggesting I’m representing life for all single moms (or moms in general). We all walk different paths and have varied circumstances. This is simply my unique take on being a single mom.
For me, my path is about positivity and growth. It’s about loving and evolving…and embracing and supporting other moms on their paths. Seriously we’re all amazing badasses!
This is not a competition about who has it worse or who has is better. It’s not about evoking envy or anger. It IS about shattering the stereotypes of sad, broken, miserable women at the mercy of society.
Transforming stereotypes with real stories of real women who may not have the “perfect life” but who can manage happiness despite rough circumstances is what I’m all about.
I invite you to share your story or impression in the comments below.
Until next time gorgeous mamas!